Hospice

If you've lost someone recently, contact your local hospice. I think they help anyone who has lost someone close to them, even if it happened away from your hometown or city. Hospice organizations are incredible places and invaluable, at least that's what I find.

I had my first massage, for free, at my local hospice today. It was wonderful. I had a reflexology session last week. On Wednesday, I am going to attend a relaxation session. They say it's excellent.

Going to hospice is a good reason to get out of the house. It helps to be around people who understand loss. It's healing. Especially if there doesn't seem to be much reason for anything else, having a place to go keeps me in the world instead of feeling outside of it. Or as I've been feeling, which is stuck between two worlds. Wherever my parents are and this world. I stare outside and look at the gardens and that tree, Mom's tree, on the front yard, and everything feels like it's in slow motion. So any excuse to get out is good, but I'm not really up for anything social. Hospice is about the only place I can go right now where I feel I can be myself and not worry about faking a smile or a brave face. I don't talk about Mom and Dad unless someone asks. Most people there have lost a spouse or a child they said. But there is a person or two who is in a situation similar to mine. I don't really need to talk at this point, I just need help with my health and having a reason to be in the world. A place to go outside of this house, which doesn't leave my cats alone for too long and add to my worry for them.

My body has been wracked with pain for too long now and everyday it seemed to be getting worse. Teddy, my chubby cat, is doing well on his diet, as is the smaller cat. But Teddy's leg seemed to be acting up again. I've started putting the heating pad on his leg, on low, for an hour or so at least once a day. That seems to help as he's not limping again as he was the past few days. The litter box had been put back in the basement but yesterday I put it back on the main floor by the side door. I think he has arthritis in his leg. Soon I'll get him in for xrays just to make sure it's not a muscle or ligament tear. I really don't think it is because he walks fine when he's not having to do stairs and gets the heat treatment. But I will get him checked out this week. I was worried I would have to cancel my massage today, and have to rush Teddy to the vet, but he was alright this morning. So finally, I was able to get help and it couldn't have come at a better time. My entire body and joints hurt incredibly the past few days. Getting to that massage appointment seemed a herculean effort. The release of pain was wonderful and made it worth the effort. At home, sleeping overtook my day and I was in and out of sleep well into this evening.

The massage therapist provided some excellent information about how massage works. At first I was concerned, because she said it naturally causes our immune system to release histamines. Well, hell, that's what I'm constantly fighting, since my immune system never stops doing that. I need to avoid histamines. But comparing it to my illness, it's definitely something I need to keep doing because it activates the healthy part of my immune system. I have had some symptom flares today but nothing too bad. Just having the majority of the pain gone makes it worth it.

The massage therapist explained why the epsom salt baths didn't seem to be taking the pain away these past two weeks. The directions on an epsom salt package instructions are to add only 1 cup of salts to bath water. Due to my level of pain, the massage therapist told me to put in at least 3 cups, until the pain is back to normal levels and not present all the time as it has been. So I'm going to try that. She also told me how epsom salts work, using magnesium which helps the pain and the hotter the water, the better it's able to draw out the toxicity which is contributing to the pain. The downside is that I need to drink more water. Or at least, some water. I live on coffee, which dehydrates the body, but I had no idea it fed muscles and things like that. Water also helps keep arteries from narrowing and I had no clue about that either. The whole discussion was fascinating. I left with my mind on my health and my body not in pain.

Every week I have an appointment for something at hospice. An aromatherapy massage is coming up as is another regular massage like I had today. Also more reflexology. If I can manage to get out of bed early Friday mornings, there is a nature walk with other people who have lost loved ones recently and a coffee or tea session afterwards. So far, I haven't been able to make that. But now the weather has cooled a lot and it's not too cold, or too hot and humid, for me to walk outside in it.

When hospice first contacted me about taking advantage of their services, I thought I should be cautious with it. I didn't want to get mired in this grief and have it become unhealthy. It's really hard to tell what is unhealthy and what isn't when grieving. After reading that book by Kubler-Ross on Grief and Grieving, I was glad I'd agreed to use their services. It's help I need obviously. So I made appointments for anything I can get. Being on disability, I don't have the luxury of paying privately for all this unfortunately.

Hospice is funded by the United Way, at least in part. The rest of their budget comes largely from volunteers who give their time and expertise for free and donations. I did make a donation, because they did help so much with Mom and now they're doing so much for me. I have a feeling that at the end of this, when I'm in a better place, I'll end up volunteering for hospice. They really are a Godsend.

Now if I could just think of something to do to help get more community nurses working in the field.